1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,880 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,000 INSECTS BUZZ 3 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,120 A-hem. Sit down. 4 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,840 I've never had to call you in here before. 5 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:29,760 It won't happen again. What won't? 6 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,520 I-I don't know. 7 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,120 Whatever it was? 8 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,640 I only call people in here for one of two reasons. 9 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:39,840 To promote... 10 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,440 ...or to fire. 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,520 If this is about the silly walks, I can explain... 12 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,600 Sh! 13 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,960 I'm promoting you to the market research team. 14 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,160 You'll lead the focus group tomorrow. 15 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,840 There's been a dropout, you need to find a replacement. 16 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,720 Yeah, absolutely! 17 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:00,800 Thank you! 18 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,840 Don't you want to know the campaign? 19 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,640 Yes, yes, no, sorry. 20 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:05,800 YoggoLad. 21 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,480 The yoghurt for men? 22 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,440 Yes. Is that a problem? 23 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:12,960 I... 24 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,680 No, no, I love yoghurt, and I love men, 25 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,080 and I love you! No. 26 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,680 No. Yeah. 27 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,280 Should...? Yeah, OK, cool. 28 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,000 You should do something about that. 29 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:37,520 Aaaah! Oh, fuck off! Yes! 30 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,240 You absolute tosser! Oh, my God, you got a promotion! 31 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:41,800 Oh, do the silly-walk thing! 32 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,960 No, no, I have to go. Oh, come on! Come on, do one! 33 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,440 You know I'm really shy! 34 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,800 Do a silly walk, please! One silly walk for us! 35 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,080 Yeah! 36 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,600 Go, Jam! Go, Jam! Go, Jam! 37 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,040 Go, Jam! 38 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,960 So good! Another one, another one! Yeah, come on, come on. 39 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:07,280 Stop it! I hate attention! 40 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:14,200 Oh, you've gone. 41 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,920 HORN BEEPS 42 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,840 Come on! 43 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,600 Get out the road! 44 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,040 Come on! 45 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,360 Like, when I'm on a date 46 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,320 and I'm in bed with them, 47 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,160 I always suck my stomach in. 48 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,920 Why do you think that is? 49 00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:53,040 I don't know. 50 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,840 I feel like you do. 51 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,360 Because it's vulnerable. 52 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,880 I guess I would with a life partner, 53 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,600 but not with someone I'm not committed to. 54 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,280 Do you know what I mean? 55 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,520 I've been thinking a lot about my childhood trauma. 56 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:09,600 Fuck yeah! 57 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,240 Oh, er, that's... 58 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,080 Is that something you'd be comfortable to talk about? 59 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,200 Take care, and I will see you again soon. 60 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,440 OK, bye. 61 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,080 I thought we talked about the miming thing. 62 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,040 What was it, trust issues? That is highly confidential. 63 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,120 It's always the parents' fault, though, innit? 64 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,560 Show me. 65 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:39,720 "A market research star is born." 66 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,120 Innit?! Yeah! 67 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,000 Congrats. I'm going to laminate this. 68 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,760 Yeah. Seriously, I'm going to frame it and laminate it. 69 00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,200 Get in, get in. 70 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,640 Look, I've got a couple of hours before my next client, 71 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:52,840 so how about... 72 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,800 ...we put some of your stuff away? 73 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:58,400 Uhh! 74 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,240 Why? This is a lot of stuff. Uhh! 75 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,360 Is it? You can put it in... here. 76 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,520 Honestly, I'll be out of here before you know it. 77 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:07,760 Oh, don't say that. 78 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:10,440 You can stay as long as you want, you can keep all your stuff... 79 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,840 No, no, no, no, no, no, please, no, I'm not doing Toro Toro. 80 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,680 Please, just a quick one. You're so annoying. Yeah! 81 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,640 He's coming! BOTH SHOUT 82 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,720 Ah-ha, you vampire! 83 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,200 Vampire! Vampire? He's a bull. 84 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,520 Toro Toro? Oh, my God, what do you think it means? 85 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,400 Vampire Vampire, no? It's a bu... 86 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,280 Wow. This ain't going to work. No, I know. 87 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,880 No, I'm sorry, we... A what? All this time, you... 88 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:38,800 I love your house, you know. Thank you. 89 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,360 It, like, makes me feel like an adult. You ARE an adult. 90 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,280 Come here. 91 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,800 You know, maybe we could make you being here a more permanent thing. 92 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,720 Are you, um...? 93 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,960 HIGH-PITCHED WHINE BUILDS 94 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,640 Are you holding your stomach in? 95 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,520 No. 96 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,680 WHINE STOPS 97 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,520 Love is a lie. 98 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,920 Your partner will let you down. 99 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,120 Your children... will abandon you. 100 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,600 And then... death! 101 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,160 A painful death. 102 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,440 So, what is acting? 103 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,120 Acting is pain. 104 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,520 And if the audience doesn't feel that pain, 105 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,800 it means you are not a good actor. 106 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,080 Yes, Daisy? 107 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,160 Can I go to the toilet? 108 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:37,840 If an actor at the Palladium wants to go for the pee-pee, 109 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:41,000 what do you think, the audience will wait for him? 110 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,720 Come on, Daisy! Very unprofessional. 111 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,120 Hai! Hai! 112 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,120 How's she doing without me? 113 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,480 She spits every time I mention your name. Ah. 114 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,360 This month, we are going to do a drama called War Horse. 115 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,840 I have rewritten it 116 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,040 to make it better. 117 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,520 I can't read. 118 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,240 Then you came to the rehearsal unprepared! 119 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,760 Come on, go to Isaac for warm up. 120 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,160 All right, who's done stage combat before? 121 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,400 CHILDREN SHOUT 122 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,880 All right, now punch! Punch like a horse! 123 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,360 Mumsy...! No! 124 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,680 Mum, everyone moves out eventually, it's normal. 125 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,680 Let her grieve, man! It's normal for you. 126 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,400 I've got good news. I don't have time for your good news. 127 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,720 You sure? Really big day for me. Me too. 128 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,880 I'm auditioning Mustafa for the lead horse. 129 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,440 Mum, you're doing it again. 130 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,400 Doing what? Making it about you. 131 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,320 When do I ever make it about me? 132 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,160 Go on. 133 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,760 I'm divorcing your dad. What?! Why?! 134 00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:45,200 I'm asking him to hang this sign in the corridor since three months. 135 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,000 OK, Mum, you can't divorce him for that. Yeah, she can! 136 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,640 OK, well, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, 137 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,040 but at least my good news has made you feel better. 138 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,200 Now who is making it about themself? 139 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,280 Let's go! Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy, girl, easy. 140 00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:01,760 Be right back! 141 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,360 Hold up. 142 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,720 Bro, this is great, man. 143 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,600 It is pretty cool, innit? You must be so proud. 144 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,000 Feel the quality of that paper! Wow. Yeah? Yeah. 145 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,840 My colleagues are really proud of me. 146 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,720 Promotions are great. Innit? Yeah, you sold your soul. Exactly. 147 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,520 Wait, what? This is how they get you. 148 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,000 Wait, wait, what are you talking about? 149 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,720 Today, you got promoted. 150 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,360 Tomorrow, you're getting a knighthood. 151 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,640 And the next thing you know, 152 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,280 the bloodshed of colonialism is on your hands. 153 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,800 MBE, do you know what that stands for? What? 154 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,400 Member of the British Empire. 155 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,360 Oh, OK. Yeah, so... we done been that. 156 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:38,160 Are you trying to borrow money? 157 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,120 Just a tenner. Unbelievable! Dude, come on! 158 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,560 Give back to the hood. You need to learn how to fish! 159 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,640 What are you talking about fish? I don't like fish! 160 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,280 Do you want to make some money? No. Yeah? 161 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,720 I'll pick you up tomorrow at eight, show you the real world. 162 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,160 PM? AM! 163 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,880 All right, cool, I'll just leave it here, yeah? 164 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,560 Son? Yeah? 165 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,520 What? What? Yes. Huh? 166 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,680 What do you want? You were going to say something! 167 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:11,960 Was I? 168 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,000 PHONE CHIMES 169 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,000 I've got to go. It's Guy. 170 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,680 Anything you want to add? Shall I send your love to Guy? 171 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,240 My Guy. 172 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,920 My boyfriend, Guy! 173 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,000 I thought his name was Alan. 174 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,360 Cool! Good chat! 175 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:39,800 So your name's Owen. No, it's not. 176 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,680 It is, cos that's the guy who pulled out. 177 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,320 Oh, so I'm helping you out? No, I'm helping you out. 178 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:47,600 Listen... Yeah, I'm listening. ...it's called market research. Yeah. 179 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,120 It's a yoghurt for men. That doesn't make sense. 180 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,080 OK, but all you have to do is eat the thing, say you love it, 181 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,840 you get 100 quid! No can do. 182 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,240 Why not? It's dirty money. It's just a yoghurt. 183 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,600 Well, I don't fuck with yoghurt. 184 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,040 Oh, and the demographic is male professionals, OK? 185 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,760 So don't do your roadman ting, it's not Chicken Cottage. 186 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,320 You're just profiling me! And Chicken Cottage. 187 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,640 Just don't be yourself. What? 188 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:11,240 What are you wearing? You could have ironed your top. 189 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,800 Whoa! It's crinkle cut. I made it myself. 190 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:15,120 Yeah, I can tell! 191 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:19,840 Wear this, don't take it off. Oh, really? 192 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,480 Bro! No, don't call me "bro". 193 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,440 We're not allowed to bring in family or friends. 194 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,720 It's the real world in there, man. 195 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,200 You've got to bring your A-game. 196 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,200 Yeah? 197 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:33,440 Johnny! All hail the yoghurt king! 198 00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,800 Stop it, Chloe, you're such a big flirt! 199 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,360 See? 200 00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,640 Respected. 201 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,360 This is where you work? Magical, innit? 202 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,000 Why does it look like a nursery? 203 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,200 Jam-Jar! 204 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:46,800 Wing-Wings! 205 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,360 Who's the hot new guy? 206 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,680 We have a hot new guy? 207 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,120 Oh, hey, I'm Isaac. 208 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:54,480 His brother. 209 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,960 Here for the yoghurt-tasting thing? 210 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,640 That is an amazing coat. 211 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,160 Oh, that's... Let me take you through. 212 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,360 So tea, coffee, prosecco? 213 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:05,920 That's actually my amazing coat. 214 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,600 The testicles of mice fed a yoghurt diet 215 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,240 were 10% bigger than those on a regular diet. 216 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,560 That's whet your appetite, innit? 217 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,400 So this campaign is a tongue-in-cheek "Oi-oi"... 218 00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,320 Oi-oi! ..to all lads. 219 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:23,400 It's not just yoghurt, it's yoghurt... 220 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,720 For men. 221 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:28,120 Genius. I think it could be our best yet. 222 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,560 OK, so slogan, which one grabs us more? 223 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:34,120 "Hairy dairy" or "Creme de la men"? 224 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:38,320 I like "hairy dairy". Not too many syllables. Yes, thank you! 225 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,480 Let's keep the syllables where they belong, 226 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,160 in the dictionary. 227 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,200 Yes, so tuck in. 228 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,280 All feedback is welcome. Be honest. 229 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,920 Yeah. I'll be honest. Great! 230 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,200 Dairy industry, that's a messed-up place. 231 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,480 You ever locked eyes with a cow? They can hear you. 232 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,960 Of course they can hear me, bro, government's tapped in. 233 00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,600 Hold on, sorry... Are you two related? 234 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,360 No! Yeah. 235 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,760 Great. Shall we do the forms? Pat, do you want to give out the forms? 236 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,760 Jam's the best bit, anyway. 237 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,720 It must be serious if she's got him in the jungle. 238 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,320 Do you know how long he's been in there? 239 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,560 A bit too long, mate. 240 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,000 She's probably got the hots for him. Is it just me, 241 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,760 or his coat the sexiest fucking thing you've ever seen? 242 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,240 Oh, my God, that is what I said! 243 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,400 Oh, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming! 244 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,920 What did she say? 245 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,040 She asked me how old I think she is. 246 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,600 What did you say? 55. 247 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,760 She's 44... 248 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,920 ...today! Oh. 249 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,520 Well, I wasn't going to lie, was I? 250 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,040 OK, great. 251 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:55,960 Anyway, I'm out. Laters. 252 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,160 He's your brother? No... 253 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,080 Are you calling me a racist? 254 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:06,040 OK, sorry, I only got him in cos someone pulled out. 255 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,400 By the way, I think this campaign is remarkable. 256 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,720 You know what I like about him? He's not a suck-up. 257 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,440 Yeah, no, suck-ups are the worst. 258 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,840 And I REALLY like his coat. 259 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,160 No, he actually cut the yoghurt in half. Wow, that's clever! 260 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,960 No, no, no, it's not. Oh, God, no, sorry, yes, yes, you're right, 261 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,680 I forgot who the baddie was - what a bastard! 262 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:34,840 He's just doing what my mum does, barging in, stealing my thunder. 263 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,200 It's attention-seeking, man, I hate it! 264 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,000 How's this one? Yeah, it's... 265 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,320 ...it's great, haven't you already got a coat? 266 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:43,240 Yeah, I need a better one for the office party. 267 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,920 That one's £370. 268 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,600 Fuck me! 269 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,320 For a coat? Hmm. 270 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,160 Do you refunds? 30 days, tag still on. 271 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,440 Deal. 272 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:57,400 What? 273 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,240 What's that look in your eyes? What look? 274 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,800 Why are you looking at me like that? I'm not. Yeah, you are. 275 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,480 What? Just that face. What face? What's that face? It's my face. 276 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,680 It's not, though. It is. 277 00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,720 It's something different, that's not your face. 278 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,560 No, it's nothing. I just love you. 279 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:12,680 Uh... 280 00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,120 Ooh. 281 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,600 Sorry, can we just...? 282 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:21,440 What are you doing? Sorry, I wasn't... 283 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:23,400 I wasn't actually, uh... What? 284 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,120 ...planning on saying that in here. 285 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,360 Yeah, no, no, it's fine. 286 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,360 Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, yeah, I just... 287 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,520 Well, it's true, Jamma. I, er... 288 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,760 I love you. 289 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,560 All right, yeah, cool, yeah. 290 00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,520 What? 291 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,280 Nothing, I said... 292 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,040 "All right, 293 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,040 "yeah, cool, yeah." 294 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:49,280 RUMBLING 295 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,080 Are you...? 296 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,080 Oh, shit, careful, careful, we need to leave, we need to leave. 297 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,000 Jamma... 298 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,240 Your house seems smaller! 299 00:13:58,240 --> 00:13:59,880 Well, yeah, it's all your stuff. 300 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,880 I-I need to leave. 301 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,800 Where? My mum, the community centre. 302 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,600 Jamma, what time is the party tonight? 303 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,720 Because, you know, maybe I should come... 304 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,520 The kids! Are you OK? 305 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,600 He's completely freaking out. What a bellend. 306 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,320 HE SHOUTS 307 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,760 All right! Everyone in formation now! 308 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:27,920 Come on, formation! Let me see formation! 309 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,840 Jammie, is there something you need to talk about? 310 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,280 What? He just came out with it, I panicked! 311 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,560 Oh, wake up! 312 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,640 Can we carry on with the match now? Jammie's life is more important. 313 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,760 Yeah, Halima, that was really selfish. 314 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,720 OK, everyone, take a deep breath. 315 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,400 Jammie, look at me. 316 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:00,760 Do you love him? 317 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,400 I love his face. 318 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,880 He's a really good cook. 319 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,640 Um... He has a dryer. 320 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,760 But how am I meant to know what love feels like? 321 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,240 Let me break it down for you. 322 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,400 Think of something you love. 323 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,960 Cake. Cake! 324 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,280 I have had it, officially! Come on! Grow up. 325 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,840 What if I'm just using him to get away from my family? 326 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,560 Jammie, if you do truly love him... 327 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,120 ...you have to tell him. 328 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,040 I'm a horse, and I declare a war! 329 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,560 Yeah, that's not War Horse. 330 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,080 Love is a lie! 331 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:46,320 You're a useless horse, you must die! 332 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,600 Artistic license, bro. 333 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,160 More passion! 334 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,040 Fire, fire, run! 335 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,880 But we don't know where the fire exit is. 336 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,920 Well, maybe you should have hung it up in time! 337 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,160 CHILDREN SCREAM 338 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:04,800 OK. 339 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:12,360 HEATED CONVERSATION 340 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:31,040 But how am I meant to know what love feels like? 341 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,000 Think of something you love... 342 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,520 Mm! Cake! 343 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,160 I love you. 344 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,960 I love you, I love you... 345 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,480 I think if we're going to live together, 346 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,520 I think we should just be really comfortable with each other. 347 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,640 I'm comfortable. Yeah? 348 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,200 Were you going to say something? 349 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,640 We're late for the party! 350 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,400 Jamma, Jamma, Jamma, Jamma. 351 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,920 We're good, right? Everything's fine? 352 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,640 Yeah, we're fine, yeah. Forget I said anything. 353 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,200 All your boxes, they can stay where they are. OK, cool! 354 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,560 Help me up! 355 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,400 Jamma! Hey! 356 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,880 Oh, wow, OK, OK, so it's a party party. 357 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,800 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How's the coat? 358 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,680 Oh, my God, it's so great. Yeah? 359 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,120 Can I take your coat, sir? Absolutely not, no! 360 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,400 The cheek. 361 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,520 It's going to be really good to play as a team. 362 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,960 Yeah, isn't it? It's really good. Yeah, yeah, really good. 363 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,280 OK, if I get stuck with anyone I don't like, I'll do this. 364 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,880 And then you have to come and get me out, OK? 365 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:26,840 Yeah, fine, OK, well, I'll do... 366 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,880 If I get stuck with someone, I will... 367 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,640 I'll do the same. Yeah, OK, cool. 368 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,560 Toro Toro! 369 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,880 Oh, shit on a stick, you must be Jamma's boy... 370 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,960 Boyfriend, yeah, yeah, yeah. 371 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:43,160 Just so you know, there's absolutely nothing wrong with... you know. 372 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,120 I actually think it's really cool. 373 00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,320 Sorry, just... 374 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,000 Sorry, erm... 375 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,240 One sec. OK. 376 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,120 So which one of you's the woman in the relationship? 377 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,840 Deep state, yeah! Sorry. 378 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,240 Oh, hey, how's it going? What's up, bro? 379 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,560 What are you doing here? I invited him, obviously. 380 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,240 Hey, happy birthday! Don't patronise me. 381 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,480 Sorry, no, yeah. 382 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,640 I wanted to talk to Isaac about YoggoLad. 383 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,120 Again, I'm so sorry about what happened. Basically... 384 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,360 Marcus loved it. I loved it! 385 00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,720 The whole tearing the packet apart, very manly. 386 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,560 How did you come up with it? 387 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,040 I just like the jam. 388 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,600 Oh, that's awkward, bro! 389 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,880 It's not called jam in the industry, is it? It's called conserve. 390 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,320 I wanted to ask about the magazine. 391 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,840 Can I get a few more copies? Cos everyone's been bugging me. 392 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,480 Your coat... Oh, right, yeah, thanks. 393 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:35,000 No, no, no, no. The tag's still on. 394 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,560 Oh, OK, yeah... I'll get it. 395 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,560 Oh, no, no, no, don't worry. No, no, I don't mind. 396 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,480 No, do you know what? Don't worry. 397 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,680 You're my boss, you shouldn't be doing my... 398 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,360 There you go. Oh, that's so kind of you. 399 00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:46,560 Come, Marcus. 400 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:51,520 Bro, what the hell? Nah, man, I'm just here to get my coin. 401 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,760 OK, bro, you just send an invoice. What's that? 402 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,160 Oh... Winnie's found a pill! 403 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,640 Last one, who wants it? Whoa, whoa, whoa, Winnie! 404 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,920 Jesus! He's like, 12 years old! 405 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,800 What? No, I'm sorry. 406 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,720 I'm sorry, I did that out of duty. 407 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,040 I was not going to take that anyway. Yeah, sure. 408 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:13,920 You really don't know who I am, do you? 409 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,680 I didn't really know my dad, 410 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,080 so we don't know who we're supposed to be angry at, 411 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,880 and so I just took it all out on my mum. Mm. 412 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:26,760 Yeah, well, from what you've told me, 413 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,720 it seems like your mum did the best she could in 414 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,520 very difficult circumstances. 415 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,520 Awareness is the first step to change, 416 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,400 and if these behavioural patterns no longer serve you, 417 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,920 you have got the choice to let them go. 418 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,520 Yeah. 419 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,040 HE SOBS 420 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,840 Oh. Yeah. 421 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,920 So w-w-what do you do as a job? 422 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,280 I'm a therapist. Fuck off! For real? Yeah. 423 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:58,680 Maybe you could be my therapist. 424 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:00,520 No, that would be highly inappropriate. 425 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:03,800 Do you think I should go over there? It's just been ages. 426 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,880 It's like, you know, what are they chatting about? 427 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,920 Are you sure you're not too hot in that thing? 428 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,480 No, no, no, totally fine! 429 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,520 Jamma! Oh, hello! I'm Winnie, what do you do? 430 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,600 Hi, Winnie, I'm a... 431 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,320 I'm a dentist! Oh, OK! Yeah. Oh, OK! 432 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,480 Jamma! There you are! 433 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,200 There YOU are! Where you been?! 434 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,680 Well, I've just been having a really dull conversation. 435 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,920 You won't believe what. What? I dropped a pill! 436 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,200 Really? I was going to suggest we should probably leave. 437 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,400 Come on, we're working as a team! 438 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,720 You've just taken ecstasy. Yeah! 439 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,600 To empathise with you. 440 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,240 Hey, my guys, how's it going? 441 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,080 Oh, hi, Isaac. How are you? Good, man. 442 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,680 Bro, your boss just offered me a full-time position. 443 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,880 What? That's... That's amazing, Isaac, congratulations. 444 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:52,120 Well, no, you're not going to do it, are you? 445 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,120 Because it's like... colonialism and stuff. 446 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,320 Nah. I'll give it a go. 447 00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,560 All right, look, Jamma, I'm up early, 448 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,920 so I'm just going to leave, OK? 449 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,800 Can you believe how selfish he's being?! 450 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,000 I'm sorry, no, no, you can't just... 451 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,240 It's like I don't exist, hello! 452 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,560 Watch the fucking coat! 453 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,360 I'm just going to leave. Why? I'll see you at home. 454 00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:15,600 But we're having fun, man! Jamma, is that your boyfriend? 455 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,240 Do you think he can look at my molar? Cos... 456 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,800 Hey, are you feeling it? Yeah, best high of my life. 457 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,080 Oh, my God, I love this song! 458 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,280 Come and dance! 459 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,160 Oh, no, no, no. I can't dance. No, no. OK. 460 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:31,720 Oh, no, no, no, I just... 461 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,600 No, no, sorry, I'm just... 462 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:34,840 OK, all right, all right! 463 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:39,400 What you're holding may look like a piece of cake, 464 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,320 um, but it's actually a piece of art. 465 00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,800 Baking is art, 466 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,720 and-and art is... political. 467 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:51,200 That guy's amazing. Tell me again... 468 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,280 Fuck's sake, no, he's not! 469 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,120 Everyone just fancies him for some reason. 470 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:57,240 I like to think that awareness 471 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,120 is the first step towards meaningful change, right? 472 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:02,720 And if these behaviour patterns don't serve you any more, 473 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,760 you have got to just let them go, man. 474 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:06,680 Anyway, I wasn't talking about your brother, 475 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,680 I was talking about your boyfriend. What a loving man. 476 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,440 I've got to get out of here. Hey, dude... 477 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,240 Beautiful coat. 478 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,920 It's a little bit gay, though. 479 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,320 HE LAUGHS 480 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:27,040 Fuck's sake. 481 00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,960 SOFT MUSIC 482 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,320 MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY 483 00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:54,800 MUSIC AND SIRENS 484 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:21,960 Oh, fuck. 485 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,400 WOMEN LAUGH 486 00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,640 PHONE VIBRATES 487 00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,160 Hello? 488 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,760 I've changed my mind. 489 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,640 I'm not going to divorce your dad. 490 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,320 Oh, wow. 491 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:55,080 He really knows how to surprise me. 492 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:58,800 Isn't it beautiful?! 493 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,800 Mum, that's amazing, 494 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,120 I'm so glad you could find it in your heart to just... 495 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:08,520 Let go. 496 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:09,920 Yeah, exactly. 497 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,000 Let go! 498 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,240 Let go. 499 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,120 Don't be weird, Jamal! 500 00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:17,080 Let go! BELL RINGS 501 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,440 Let go! 502 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:22,120 HE GASPS 503 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:23,600 Let go... 504 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:33,040 APPLAUSE 505 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,160 Oh, no, Jamma, Jamma, no... 506 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:55,680 I'm up in four hours. 507 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,240 I know, just hear me out. 508 00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:59,400 OK... 509 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,960 You know when you said you loved me? 510 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:06,920 It made me feel... valued and important and... 511 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:09,560 ...I'm not used to that. 512 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,720 So I find it easier to be a bit of a dick 513 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,120 than to admit that... 514 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,000 ...maybe someone actually loves me for who I really am. 515 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,360 But despite that, I just want to say... 516 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,480 ..like, I just fucking love what you, like, 517 00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:37,200 like, I love your hair, your hair's like, the follicles are so thick, 518 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:41,080 and I would, honestly, no, like, no, no, no, real talk! 519 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,240 Do you know what I mean?! It's like... 520 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,720 I just really appreciate your interior design. 521 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,200 Let me get you some water. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, mm... 522 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:50,440 Yeah! OK. 523 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,040 Well, it's just cos you got to believe in yourself and... 524 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,960 Oh, my God, your bedsheets are amazing... 525 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,800 You know what? 526 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,800 I think I'm ready to meet your parents. 527 00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,080 HIGH-PITCHED WHINE BUILDS 528 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:17,680 Aaah! What the fu...?!